Thoughts From a Bookstore Part 2: The Dumb and the Awkward

So, I know I said I was going to do my next one of these on the religious people, but after a good 20 minute rant to my girlfriend I figured I had enough content for another topic. Everyone complains how the rest of the world thinks Americans are idiots; perhaps this section will shed some light as to why that is.

The Dumb

There are several assumptions one can make about people that shop at a bookstore. First and foremost is that they can read. Well I have discovered that is not always the case, in fact, I think it's safe to say many are flat out blind. For example, the question we get asked most doesn't have anything to do with books, nor music, nor movies, but where the bathroom is. Now this is a logical question seeing as we're a public facility and all, and hell even in some parts of the store, but most seem to enjoy standing right under the freaking sign, or even in a direct line of sight to it. Along the same line we get people who come up to the desk and ask for CDs or DVDs, which are conveniently pointed out by 5 foot black and white contrasting signs hanging from the God damn ceiling. To add insult to injury when I point the sign out, they still don't see it. Come on people. Big black and white sign. Not hard to miss. I'll give some people credit, though, older folks do have fairly bad sight, but anyone under 50 has no excuse. Next up we have the people who refuse to take "we don't have it" for an answer. These people come in all self righteous, refuse help saying they can look it up on their own. Which they can, it is a pretty easy program to use, and all the buttons are clearly labeled as are the results. The screen even says either "Likely in store" with the location of the item listed or in bold red font "ORDER" if we don't currently have it in. Seems pretty easy doesn't it? Even still these people will then yell at us and ask "Where is this, it doesn't say" of course the item they're looking for isn't there. I tell them such and they proceed to practically scream saying such and such is a "classic" why don't you have it blah blah blah this is outrageous. Then as if any of us care, they say "well *lifts nose up* Barnes and Nobel will has it". Uh, okay, cool, is that suppose to be an insult? Pretty sure we each carry different shit, big deal. And more than likely they don't have it seeing as Hastings, Borders, and B&N all get books from the same distributors. This next incident I couldn't make up if I wanted too: On multiple occasions we've had people all and ask "hi, Do you have books?" Whoa.. what? Okay sure calling a place like Hastings you could ask that, seeing as they mainly carry multimedia, but this is Borders BOOKSTORE. Come on. Though, sadly, we've had someone come in, walk through the front of the store--which I might add is full of all sorts of books--and ask if we carried paperbacks. Sigh shoot me seriously. The last example I have by far takes the cake on American stupidity. I was fixing the audiobooks and this couple next to me was looking at Homers The Odyssey. The man was scrutinizing it pretty intently; I thought maybe he was just hard of seeing, but nooo he comments to his wife: "So do you think this is read by the original author? This, uh, Homer guy? I think it might be." I stopped what I was doing and was just hoping and praying he was joking, but I looked over and they both looked puzzled. And the final blow came from the wife, "I hope so, I heard he has a wonderful voice!" Oh lord.. Just.. yeah... And we wonder why everyone thinks we're fucking idiots.

The Awkward

This section is somewhat worse than the one above, but for different reasons. As most of you should know, bookstores have an adult erotica section. As such we get all sorts of weirdos because of it, not to mention the 14 year old horny middle school students. First I should probably mention that we have some pretty fucked up books back there too--har har "fucked up"--such as The Fetish Book, which is conveniently made of rubber for even the most wacky sex. I should also mention that I'm pretty open when it comes what people do behind closed doors, but it's still.. awkward when people are super open about it. For example way too many times have I had an older couple, maybe in their 50s or 60s, come up and ask where the sex section was. That's cool, I mean, heck its natural, but these people are like teenagers! Again, that's cool, but I don't think I'll ever get used to the sight of an old man grabbing his old wife's bum and sucking on her saggy neck.

The other common awkward experience is those that deal with recovery. As many of you know, or should know anyway, people have problems, lots and lots of problems. It also goes without question there are plenty of people out there that are willing to help, or at least make money pretending to help. Many times I'll have guests come in, sadly a lot of parents and grandparents that are looking for ways to get their kids/grandkids off drugs, or through other addictions. It's so hard to know what to say when they ask for something like that, I mean usually I like to try and make conversation with my customers, but with something like abuse, or drugs, or many other topics in that area, it’s hard to know where the line is. There are people that are willing to share their entire life story with you and others that don't want you to talk at all. The ones I find especially difficult are those that deal with abuse. We have a whole section on it, and there are some really helpful books out there, but when it comes to talking about it, or helping someone it’s just so.. I don't know difficult. Cause I feel bad, but at the same time I'm supposed to be impartial and keep my nose out of things. Or before we used to order specific books for people and when they got in we'd give them a call telling them their book has arrived. A lot of the time people won't answer, for good reason too I mean it is a random number, but what am I suppose to say when the title is something like When Daddy Hurts Mommy or Love Shouldn't Hurt, or Get Out Now!, what if it’s a general mailbox and the child hears? Or the abuser listens? I don't know, this probably isn't the tone you were expecting after the first examples, but it's something worth noting I guess.

So I was planning on doing one other section, but I'm just going to cut it cause its kinda stupid anyway. Essentially it was just how half the people out there think they know how to run the store better than we do. Meh, people are freaking stupid anyway. I hope this little adventure gave you some laughs and maybe even got you thinking.